The follwing piece does not necessarily reflect the opinions and view of the LMC, or THPDG. No warantee is expressed or implied. Use at your own risk. All right reserved.
Discussing the "Freeze Fetish" with your partner
by feezemachine
Greetings all freeze fans! I am writing this to all members of the ASFR community interested in the immobilizing aspect of the fetish. My purpose in writing this document is to give you my ideas on how to share your fetish with your partner. I will not be dealing with the aspects of turning into a substance (i.e. stone) or of the transforming into a robot. These are not my interests and furthermore are not really possible to role-play with a partner.
First let me give some information on my background. I have a psychology degree and I have been interested in the fetish for as long as I can remember. I am in my late 20’s, I’m married, and I have a child. However, what makes me most qualified to write this is that I have shared my fetish with my partner. I was once where most of you are right now. You are probably wondering when or even if to share this with your partner. Well I did share this with my partner and hopefully I can pass on some helpful hints of how it can be done. It is my desire that not only will you be able to share your fetish, but that you will also be able to act it out with your partner as I have. This is my ultimate goal, to help you role-play your fetish.
I ask only that you remember this is just my point of view. I am writing this because I feel that if I can help just one person out there, then I will have achieved some service to the ASFR community. I welcome all comments in email except ones that "flame" my point of view. I am not imposing my views on any readers, just my thoughts. Take them, as you will. I hope you enjoy my essay!
The most important step to take before discussing your fetish is to learn a little about it yourself. If you are like me then you probably don’t remember when your fetish started or even why. You partner is certain to ask you these questions so you’ll have to do some soul searching as your reasons may vary. However, based on some psychology and experience, I have pieced together what I believe is the root of the fetish. Before I begin I will first give a brief explanation of what a "fetish" is. We’ve all heard of them and most of us have one type of fetish or another. A fetish can be defined as something that turns us on sexually that is not inherently related to the sex act itself. Let me use one of the most common fetishes to illustrate: the foot fetish. It is a fetish because someone can get sexually excited over just the foot without thinking about the sex act itself. So, we can be defined as people who can be sexually excited by the "immobility" of a partner alone.
With that in mind let’s move on to what I believe is the root of the fetish. Why would we be turned on by immobility? I believe the answer is just too simple for most of us to see. It’s a control issue. Our fetish is very closely linked to those who have a "bondage" fetish. We have a desire to control someone else sexually. People into bondage do it with ropes, belts, etc. We go one step further and desire to have the whole body immobilized. Some of us even go further than that and desire our partners to be unconscious as well as frozen. This is the ultimate form of control in every sense of the word. Hence I believe that we are all interested in this because of the control aspects. We can classify this as a "fetish" because most of us are at a point where just the frozen aspect is enough to sexually excite us without even consciously thinking of having sex with the partner.
Now we move on to how our fetishes got started. You probably don’t remember when it started. Most likely we were born with the idea that control turns you on sexually. It was only a matter of time before the media showed us a freeze scene that ignited our innate desires of control. We knew almost unconsciously that this kind of thing is what we liked. Some of us may even be able to remember that first freeze scene that turned us on to the fetish. It is NOT my belief that the scene caused the fetish, so please think about this before you tell your partner you want to freeze them because "you saw it on TV." I believe the desire was always in us and merely ignited by the media.
This is what I believe our fetish to be all about. I urge you to think about your version of why you have this fetish before telling your partner. They need to hear YOUR truth behind it, not mine. So think on it and get your history down before discussing it.
It is very important that you have good timing and atmosphere when discussing this. After all, this is very important to you and you want your partner to understand fully. I will give you just a few examples of when and where to talk about this. You must use your own judgment and your own personality to decide exact details.
The time to best discuss this is when you are at a point in the relationship where you BOTH agree it is love. Marriage is preferable, of course. However, if you and your partner are both in love then that would also be a good time. I also highly recommend that you do not tell your partner until you are sexually active with them. I am not condoning pre-marital sex, but I do recommend you wait. This is for a simple reason. If your partner decides they will freeze role-play with you, you will most definitely want to have sex with them. The strain may be too much if you are not already sexually active!
The location of discussion does not matter so long as you are alone and have no interruptions. I recommend telling your partner that you would like to discuss something with them several days ahead of time. Make a date out of it. Take them out to dinner or something and tell them after you have arrived home for the evening. Insure your partner that this is something important to you by first being nice to them!
IV. WHAT TO SAY
This is the million-dollar question. I will try to give generalities. I do not want any of you to use my exact words. It is VERY important to put everything in your own words. This is your discussion with your partner. If you have to take days in advance to practice then by all means do that. However, do not write it on paper and present it to your partner. You need to TALK to them about it. It makes things far more personal that way.
After your date sit down together and tell her you have something very important to you that you wish to discuss. Let me interject some psychology into my discussion here. You need to hit them up front with the IDEA that this might be a really bad thing you are about to discuss. Do not prolong the idea that it will be bad, just make it for an instant. In this way, the person will have high expectations of what you are about to say to them. Then when you finally get to the freeze fetish your partner will hopefully think to themselves, "Hey that’s not as bad as I thought." This breaks the ice and lets them be more accepting of your fetish. Be careful here and do not be too outlandish on what you set them up for. Just say something like, "I have this really bizarre sexual fetish I need to discuss with you." Put it in your own words! Anyway, let me give you an example of this type of "set up" from a psychology book. I will paraphrase of course:
Dear Mom and Dad,
My first quarter of college is going terrible. I broke up with my boyfriend from high school and I’m seeing a new guy. We’ve hit it off pretty well. He and I have moved in together and we get along pretty well, except for the fights. We have wild passionate sex almost every night! Yesterday I had to go to the doctor because I suspected I might be pregnant. Well it turned out that I was. I hope you don’t mind. We’re going to keep the baby and I’m dropping out of college and moving to Mexico.
By the way, I’m just kidding. There is no boyfriend and I’m not pregnant, but I am failing class this semester. I hope you understand.
Love,
Cynthia
As you can see, by the time the parents get down to the "failing class" part they are totally relieved and think to themselves, "Is that all?" You get the picture. Now do not elaborate too much on this and don’t keep it going for too long or you will worry them. Just for a moment you need to make them think that your fetish is bigger than it really is so they will be able to accept it when you tell them.
Now that you have broken the ice and set them up for a huge surprise, you can tell them your real fetish. Put it in your own words but say it something like this: "I get really sexually excited over immobility. I like it when someone is frozen in place unable to move. I am telling you this because I love you and I want you to understand me. I hope you do not think I’m too strange." Wait for them to respond with (hopefully), "I don’t think you’re strange!" and then proceed. Tell them all about how it started and why you have the fetish. Be sincere and calm. Answer all questions they have the best you can even if you have to say, "I don’t have an answer to that one, but I will think about it and get back with you." Be yourself and be honest. Make sure they understand that you appreciate them for JUST LISTENING.
The best time to ask your partner to play would probably be a short time after you tell them. Do not make the mistake of telling them you want them to play freeze for you on the same day you tell them about your fetish (unless they ask to play.) Let it sink in with them and let them get used to the idea. The time needs to be at least a week but you can play by ear and give it as much time as needed. You will know when the time is right. Just make sure they have gotten comfortable with you having the fetish first.
It is very important when you ask them that you tell them are going to be fulfilling your fantasies. Always make sure they know just how much you appreciate it if they would play freeze for you. Assure them that they will have total control since it’s just play, but that they will give you the illusion of control. Tell them that it is good enough to turn you on. Give them the option of either freezing on your command or just surprising freezing on their part. This is another psychological game. When you give them two different options to choose from, they think they have more control than they do. You still get what you want and they have the illusion of picking which freeze they want to do.
If your partner really loves you, I am SURE they will play freeze for you. They may not get the same sexual thrill (or they may) but they will certainly have fun pleasing you. This is what love is all about and this is why I think it’s vital for you to be in love before asking someone to do this!
During the first play freeze you need to be aware of a few things. First, you should make sure that you completely express your satisfaction with their freezing. When they freeze the first time for you I am sure you will have no problem expressing your joy, but make sure they understand your reactions are genuine. Second, make sure that you do not leave them frozen for too long. It will be distressful if they get tired or annoyed and unfreeze themselves on you. So make sure it’s not for more than a minute. Thank them as much as possible after the first freeze is over. Use as much positive reinforcement as possible (it does work.) Third, make sure you don’t do anything too radical during the freeze. I recommend just looking.
Be certain that you avoid criticism at this point. Do not worry about how well they freeze at first. Do not concern yourself with posing, or touching either. Start slow, that’s the psychological way of warming them up for the bigger things. I also recommend many freezes before you do anything too radical. It is also very wise to have a discussion with them regarding some things you would "LIKE" to be able to do while they are frozen. Start slow and get them to agree to little things first. Then get more radical as time goes on. NEVER, EVER do anything to them that they have forbidden at this point as you will put the whole fantasy in jeopardy. You will find that they will gradually begin to accept just about anything that you want to do to them while they are frozen because they are still "ultimately" in control. They are only playing to be helpless. Be sure you let them know this.
As you may or may not know, hypnotism can greatly enhance the freezing of your partner and make it seem more real to you. Hypnotism is a difficult issue with many people so you will need to be careful when you bring this up. You should NEVER bring the hypnotism up until you’ve gotten your partner to "play freeze" for quite some time. Also, if the play freezing satisfies you completely, do not bother with hypnotism.
The best way to introduce this type of freeze is to say something like this, "I love what you do for me and would like to take it to the next level, if you wouldn’t mind." Be sure that you seek out someone who has a great deal of experience hypnotizing. Do NOT try it yourself unless you have sufficiently learned the skills. Be sure you are there for their induction. Always make sure the hypnotist puts some restrictions on the freeze. For instance, you should not be able to freeze them in any dangerous situation (like driving.)
You must also make sure your partner understands that hypnotism is not mind control. They have to first AGREE to be hypnotized. They also have to agree to be able to put the "freeze" command in. The hypnotism simply gives you the control to freeze after your partner has made the commitment to allow you to do it. Hypnotism may take some convincing so be very careful when you present it and how you present it!
I hope that I have provided some insights into the most difficult aspect of our fetish: ADMITTING IT! Once you have admitted it to your partner you will find a weight has lifted. In fact, I believe that it is vital to your psychological health to admit your fetishes to the ones you love. Actually the hard part is finding someone to love so that you can share this with them. If you just use common sense and a little psychology, I’m sure your partner can be turned into a "freeze-partner" with little effort. Remember that there are other people out there with your fetish who have enhanced their sex lives by telling their partners what they want. At a risk of sounding cliché, it’s all about communication!
Happy FREEZINGS!